The journal of Paul M. Watson.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Grand pricks

Watching Hollywood Grand Prix last night I came to the sad conclusion that Vinnie Jones, the British actor, is a bit of a wanker. Sad because I have always enjoyed his film characters.

Hollywood Grand Prix is a rather fun annual event in which big knobs from the movie industry get together in Los Angeles and race suped up Toyotas around a street circuit in front of 100,000 fans. William Shatner was there of course and was an absolute hoot; crashing into everything he could, denying the accidents and simply buying extra cars when he ran out. A rapper named Xzibit turned out to be a good laugh too, riding Vinnie the whole show. A surprise entrant was Martina Navratilova who showed up most of the boys by coming third. You could see her athletic discipline come to the fore in the show as she stuck to the racing line and held technique above pure speed. Then we had Frankie Muniz who plays Malcolm in Malcolm in the Middle. The ever-young boy actor who must be 50 by now. He had been taking racing lessons and was considered "professional." His professional nature showed during one incident where he got out of his car in a state, refused to take his helmet off and stormed away from the press. Lighten up kid, it is a charity fun race.

Vinnie though really disapointed. The show, British produced, was centered around him and initially he reckoned he was going to cream the field and come first. After some practicing he downgraded that to 3rd. Then after missing most of the practice sessions he went further and said 4th. Eventually after qualifying way back he simply said "If Shatner beats me, I am walking home."

Hilariously he spent most of the race dicing with Shatner. I say dicing but it was more that Shatner drove into every possible wall and barrier while Vinnie tip toed around the track. Shatner would go wide in a corner, Vinnie would come up next to him and then somehow Shatner would pull ahead down the straight. Maybe Vinnie is too used to all the stretch-Hummer limos we saw him being driven around in.

Vinnie didn't get to walk home but only because Shatner managed to call off the race by precipitating a massive accident. I have no doubt that if Captain Kirk had managed to stay in one piece, he would have beaten Vinnie Jones. In the end Jones managed 10th out of a field of 20 or so.

So much for British skill and so much for Vinnie Jones being a deserving chap.


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