The journal of Paul M. Watson.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Not Another Network, or NAN

Somebody has got to do a spoof on the various blog networks springing up.

Gawker Media, 9rules Inc. and Weblogs Inc. are the big boys out there but there are many others. Basically you, with your avatar sidekick robot dog blog, join a network and they list you. They make it hard by reviewing each submission to ensure that not just any old site gets in (though I expect 9rules will soon have to change their name to NineHundredAndNinetyNineRules Inc. And then again in Spanish, ElNinoRuloh Incoh.)

Anyhoo.

I can see it now, the spoof that is. Everyone, including Jessa Crispin (she is just too hot to exclude), Zeldman, David Bowie... I mean David Shea... and your mum, is a member. Oh and Shaun Inman, he is minty fresh. Anyone with a blog, a website, heck even a GeoCities or a LiveJournal is written into the roles of NAN (Not Another Network. Or Not A Number. Or a type of Indian bread.) We just use the Google, Technorati and Bloglines APIs see.

That is amazing eh? In one foul stroke we achieve what Scrivs and co. has been trying to achieve all the time; A-Listers. Zeldman for petes sake! On NAN!

The goal of NAN is to drive traffic to NAN. No, not a typo. I know they say the goal is to drive traffic to your site, by being an Old Boy, but come now; you put a big old leafy logo on your site that goes to the network's world domination HQ site. How can that not be about driving traffic back to the blog network?

The goal of the Knights of NAN (that is you, blog boy) is to get out of NAN. That's right, like Survivor but backwards (which is freaky considering Survivor is backwards.) The last NANian (sort of Lion, Witch and Wardrobe eh) gets to close the door on his, her or its way out.

I expect Zeldman would be first because he'd very politely tell NAN he can't lend his awesomness to NAN without prior consent (Zeldman, you rock for not doing this whole A-Lister, blog network thing. A pity you already have a wife, I cook well.)

Every month we, that is me but it sounds better when you say we, go through the NANites (sort of iPod Nano, someone buy me one please) begging to be let in out and we choose the most fitting. A big announcement is made about each removal. We profile their site and talk about why we think it is suited to being let go. Great content, great design, great ideas, great design, great personality, great design, A-List status, great design, etc.

Everyone who gets kicked out is expected to make a self depreciating remark about how they never expected to be kicked out and they just threw their name in the hat on the off chance and expected to be laughed at and so on. Basically you sucker punch everyone with your removal post.

You: "I suck!"
Everyone: "No! You rule! Welcome brother!" (or sod off in our case)

Everyone, except those already kicked out, get to put a NAN badger (yes, badger, not badge. You know you can put Linux inside dead badgers?) on their site. NAN will link to Microsoft (because they would pay the most for it.)

So everyone belongs... oh crap. I just realised this already exists. It is called the world wide web. And nobody wants to get off.

p.s. In no way am I disrespecting any of the 9rules members or the Gawker/Weblogs Inc. writers. I subscribe to many of their sites and consider them to be Good For The WebTM. And while Paul Scrivs can talk a mile a minute I read his work too as it has a lot of useful information. I just think this whole blog network blitz needs a bit of deflating. It is fine to have it but for one 9rules needs to go easy on those submissions. It is not scaling and won't scale, you are just becoming Yahoo! Directory with commentary. I already can't figure out which sites are worth keeping track of in the 9rules network.

The spoof site would be a lot of fun though. :-D

EDIT #1: Changed 9Rules to 9rules. Spot the difference, apparently their CEO has nightmares about it. Bit like the poor .NET folks. Though funny how everyone remembers it is iPod and not Ipod or IPod. Or GoGetMeAniPodNanoNowPlease.

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